Thursday, April 9, 2015

My thoughts on pregnancy: 3 months in

In case you missed something along the way…Paul and I are expecting our first baby in October and we couldn’t be more excited!

March in Photos

When we first started trying I had no idea what to expect but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I was hoping that we would be one of those couples who hit a home run the first time at bat.  Well, we weren’t.  After lots of doctor appointments, a surgery, one miscarriage, and a few more months of trying, I just knew we had gotten it right.

My mom, sister, and our two nephews were in town for a weekend in late January.  Friday night we went out for dinner (and little did I know, what would be my last beer for a while).  Saturday we had a day full of eating and shopping planned and then remembered that I had an Amazon shipment arriving that day with a bulk of pregnancy tests (seriously, I ordered 12 at a time.)  So as soon as they arrived, and to no one else’s knowledge, I took one and at first I only saw one line, but then the more I looked I could see a faint second line.  I didn’t say anything to anyone, and we went about our day.

My family left the following day but I didn’t take another test because I wanted to give my body plenty of time to allow the hormones to increase as they are supposed to.  And then Monday morning I completely forgot to test again.  So I sat in my office and just thought about it ALL day long.  The minute I got home I ran straight to the bathroom and tore open another test and immediately TWO solid pink lines showed up.  I took another one, just to be sure (what?) and I tried to calmly walk down the stairs to where Paul was starting a fire, but I don’t think I was so calm.  And then I tried to say something and I didn’t even have any words, I just showed him the positive test.  We hugged and cried and didn’t talk for at least 3 minutes because neither of us knew what to say.

At first we were extremely cautious, trying to not get our hopes up too soon, and just take it day-by-day.  We surpassed the point where I had miscarried last time.  We told our families and close friends, we saw our doctor and nurse, we saw our BABY on an ultrasound and each day and each week it gets more and more real.  And it’s just so stinking cool what your body is made to do!

We are now 14 weeks along and we gain a little more confidence with each day that goes by.  We have been overwhelmed by support from friends and family.  I started journaling about the pregnancy during week 8 on a particularly fatigued Sunday.  I was knee-deep in season 1 of Hart of Dixie so I grabbed a pen and a journal and jotted down some thoughts, fully intending to document them here at the right time.

I will possibly give some weekly updates at some point but since the weeks in the first trimester can be summed up in a few sentences, I thought I would just share some random thoughts and ramblings about growing a human, so far:

IMG_7203

1. Without a doubt that hearing our baby’s heartbeat for the first time was: a) one of the most amazing experiences of my life thus far; and b) something that I will never, ever forget for as long as I live.  We had an ultrasound at 8 weeks, 5 days and the heartbeat was 170.  At 13 weeks 5 days, it had dropped to 150.  Hearing that rapid sound provides immense relief and so much joy.

 

2. We won’t be finding out the gender.  Getting pregnant wasn’t a surprise for us, or for anyone close to us, really, so we want to keep something a surprise.  I never thought I would be the kind of person who would want to wait to find out but I totally do now that it comes down to it.  It’s not like I would buy pink paint for the walls, or a wardrobe full of blue if I did know the gender.  I’m a pretty neutral person.  Along those same lines we won’t be having a 3-D Ultrasound.  Both Paul and I have decided that it feels like peeking at your Christmas presents 20 weeks before Christmas.  You might not feel that way and to that, I say “to each his own.” But it’s just not for us.  We want to be totally and completely surprised by our little guy or girl when he or she gets here.

  IMG_7331

Near the end of 12 weeks.  I’m wearing a Bella Band with my jeans because they don’t button at this point!

3. We have picked some names but we are pretty much keeping them to ourselves.  We have a short-list of boy names and girl names but haven’t decided 100% yet.

 

4.  Gender predictions so far – I’ve had a dream it’s a girl, and a dream about the sonographer telling us it’s a boy, even though we don’t want to know.  Paul has had a boy dream, and a couple of friends have had girl dreams.  So honestly, we have ZERO predictions.  True 50-50 shot!

  IMG_7348

Beginning of 13 weeks – I took a walk one evening.  I looked down at my shoes as I was walking and the bump was undeniable. 

5. I am 98% sure we will be using cloth diapers.  Still doing some research but it just seems to make sense to me.  Not only does it make extreme economical sense, using cloth avoids all of the chemicals in disposables and significantly the reduces the impact on the environment.

 

6. And beyond diapers, holy product overload!  I have been reading and researching the best products and I am pretty sure that some of the stuff the lists say that you “need” are really very far from necessary.  It would be so easy to just go crazy-overboard with STUFF for a baby, but we are trying to be reasonable.  If we find out later that we really do need something, we can always go get it.

 

7. I can’t say that I have had any weird cravings yet, but there are definitely foods that are staples in my diet right now – peanut butter & bananas; dill pickle spears (I can’t help it on this one); cherry limeade slushes from Sonic (I have no idea!); beef jerkey; fruit; Twizzlers; OJ; and SO MANY avocados.  I’ve had some major weird blood sugar things going on so I typically find myself needing to eat every two hours or so to keep myself feeling human but it’s manageable.

  IMG_7358

Middle 13 weeks.  Easter Sunday.  I wish I was better at taking these shots! 

8. I have allowed myself to slow down.  From about week 5 through 12, and even into week 13 I was in a valley of fatigue.  I mean, I can barely explain how tired I was.  I didn’t know tired before I was pregnant.  Like, AT ALL.  Everyone keeps telling me to “sleep while you can” like you can somehow stock up on sleep?  And like I’m not doing that anyway, because what else can you do when you feel like crap and barely have enough energy to shower, let alone sweep your floors or cook dinner?

Aside from allowing myself to sleep when I’m tired, it’s felt really great to just allow myself to slow down.  I don’t feel bad about sitting on the couch all weekend because, you know, there’s a human growing inside of me.  Slowing down has also included blogging.  When the bulk of what you blog about is food, and when food in general is repulsive to you, you just have to take a step back and be OK with slowing down.

 

9. I found out that there is no “normal” for pregnancy.  Even as much as people want to tell you what was normal for them, or what their experience was – everyone seems to have different thoughts and experiences.  I didn’t expect this, but I think that’s a little bit of the beauty in it – we all have our own experience.  Most people are a little to forthcoming with advice and comments, and I didn’t expect that either.  People seem to feel the need to impart their infinite wisdom on you when they have no regard for what you are really thinking, feeling, or experiencing.  I just really wasn’t ready for that part of pregnancy.  And I find myself that much more grateful for those who are really genuine in asking how things are going, and just listen.  And I’m vowing to be that person after I have my own experiences as well.

Along these same lines I have really tried to just trust my instincts – and my doctor!  I have a few books but oh my goodness, the information overload that is out there can be scary.  It’s easy to get completely overwhelmed very quickly!

 

10. The emotions!  Emotionally I have felt pretty good.  I’m constantly fighting the internal battle of body image.  Mentally, I know that my clothes are supposed to be fitting tighter, and I know that I am supposed to be gaining weight, and I know that my body is supposed to be changing.  But being OK with that mindset has been really challenging.

For the first 12-13 weeks I felt so completely fatigued all.the.time.  People always tell you about the fatigue but I don’t think that there is any way to prepare for really how much it got to me.  I’ve had a couple of episodes where I just burst into tears for nothing – one time because I went to the wrong post office.  Then I find myself crying-laughing because I know that the reason I’m balling is so stupid, yet I can’t stop.  Pregnancy is so weird!!  Other than that I’m feeling SO EXCITED for this life that is growing inside of me.  Growing inside of me!!  I just can’t explain how much that blows my mind.

  IMG_7366 Easter Sunday, 13 weeks, with Paul. 

11. I have zero clue what becoming a mother will mean for this blog.  For the past 4+ years I have shared recipes and stories and I have absolutely loved every minute and am so grateful for the experiences and friends I’ve gained.  However, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t ready for a change of some sort.  I don’t know right now what that means.

What I do know is that this baby is going to change things.  And that’s probably the understatement of the year.  It’s going to shift my priorities greatly, and I feel that it already has. I don’t blog full-time, nor do I have interest in blogging full-time.  I blog as a hobby and I work full-time outside my home and I love my current setup.  No longer do I care to spend my entire weekends in the kitchen attempting to dream up, cook, photograph a recipe beautifully, and write about the “most creative” recipes so that people will pin them.  All the while, my life is actually happening outside of the kitchen.  And I won’t even start on social media.  I’ve all-but given up everything except for Instagram.

I also know that, if you are here for the recipes (and you have made it this far with 1400+ words about pregnancy) then the chance that you will find another blogger out there who can replace me and my recipes is oh-so great and I am oh-so OK with that.  I want to continue to share recipes but only when they make sense to share them, not just because I needed a recipe to post Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

I know that I want to share my whole life – not just my kitchen-life.  I want to document my life as a mother.  I want to write about vacations, good reads, snapshots of our everyday life.

 

12. I am surprised more and more everyday by how my body is changing, how it just knows what to do, what it is preparing to do in just 6-ish short months.  I’m overwhelmed by gratitude that I get to experience this because I know that there are so many people out there who want to, and can’t.  My heart is so full of love for this little life that is growing inside of me.  Even typing that blows my mind.  It’s just so cool.  I know that’s the most anti-climatic phrase to describe this experience but it’s such an amazing experience that I can’t even find the words for it.

 

 

45 Responses to “My thoughts on pregnancy: 3 months in”

  1. #
    Average Jane — April 9, 2015 @ 8:30 am

    Congratulations!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:34 pm

      Thank you!!

  2. #
    sarah k @ the pajama chef — April 9, 2015 @ 9:40 am

    congratulations! what a journey…God is so good!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:34 pm

      Yes, yes, yes! Thanks Sarah!

  3. #
    Connie — April 9, 2015 @ 11:32 am

    Congratulations!!! As for knowing what “stuff” you’ll really need, I feel the best source would be friends with children. They’ve recently experienced this, they will know what is good and necessary and what isn’t. Wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy 🙂

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:34 pm

      Thanks so much, Connie!

  4. #
    natalie — April 9, 2015 @ 11:32 am

    great post! and YAY for being surprised–I loved not knowing the gender, it was truly one of the best moments to finally find out at birth!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:34 pm

      Thanks for the encouragement, Natalie! I keep going back and forth on being able to hold out but I know it will be so rewarding. Thanks again!

  5. #
    Amy @Very Culinary — April 9, 2015 @ 12:27 pm

    Oh Cassie, how exciting!! I had a miscarriage in between Haley and Trevor and was devastated. It’s amazing how truly common it…just nobody talks about it. So happy for you both!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:33 pm

      I hate how common it is, and that no one really talks about it. There could be so much support out there if we did talk about it more. Thanks so much, Amy!!

  6. #
    Stephanie @ Macaroni and Cheesecake — April 9, 2015 @ 2:15 pm

    Congratulations!! So excited for you! So sorry your journey to get pregnant was so tough. God is so faithful! so excited for your little blessing and miracle from God!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:32 pm

      Thank you so much for the encouragement. But yes, He is so faithful!

  7. #
    Stephanie @ Eat. Drink. Love. — April 9, 2015 @ 3:50 pm

    Oh, I’m so excited for you, Cassie! Our baby girl is almost 5 months now and I just fall in love with her more and more every day! I actually only bought two books and learned to try NOT to Google everything because it will terrify you! I remember being so exhausted in those early days too, I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through the day! And about the products, I know! I was totally overwhelmed at first. If you’re interested, I did a post once we were 2 months in about what products we found really useful and what we didn’t use: http://eat-drink-love.com/2015/01/top-15-baby-registry-items/

    Wishing you an easy and healthy pregnancy!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:31 pm

      Thanks Stephanie!! I love seeing your baby girl. Time seems to fly by so so fast! And thanks for that link. I’m going to pin that now!

  8. #
    Annalise @ Completely Delicious — April 9, 2015 @ 6:17 pm

    Huge congrats Cassie! So happy for you guys! I can’t believe you aren’t going to find out the gender – such a bold move. I love it! Keep the updates coming. 🙂

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:31 pm

      Thank you so much, and good luck on the move!!

  9. #
    Emily @ Life on Food — April 10, 2015 @ 7:01 am

    Congratulations! I have a 4 month old. Enjoy every second, even the awful ones. I went to bed at 7:30-8pm because I was so tired throughout. The one product I am so happy to have is the Gerber disposable cloth diapers. They are organic cotton and can be used for EVERYTHING. We have one in every room of the house. Spit ups, wash clothes they are so useful.

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:30 pm

      Thanks Emily! I definitely have some of the Gerber diapers on my list as I have heard that recommendation from many people. Thanks so much!

  10. #
    Rachel Cooks — April 10, 2015 @ 8:15 am

    I’m sitting at Starbucks and definitely crying reading this right now. I’m just so thrilled for you and Paul — I know how much you wanted this and you’re going to be SUCH a great momma. I can’t wait to “meet” (and hopefully meet IRL too) that sweet little one!

    PS: We didn’t do any 3D ultrasounds either. 🙂

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:29 pm

      You are so wonderful!! SO wonderful. Thank you for all your support and love!! xoxo

  11. #
    Vera — April 10, 2015 @ 8:22 am

    Congratulations again! You and Paul will make wonderful parents!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:28 pm

      Thanks so much, Vera!

  12. #
    Courtney @ NeighborFood — April 10, 2015 @ 9:11 am

    Cassie, I am SO excited for you! I had a miscarriage before this pregnancy as well and it made the first trimester such a crazy blend of excitement and anxiety. Despite how much miscarriage and the process stunk, it gave me so much more of an appreciation for the real miracle that pregnancy is! It’s so darn amazing to watch your body grow and change to actually support another human being! We are currently in the throes of registering and I am totally overwhelmed by all the stuff. We’re also trying not to go overboard, and be realistic about what a tiny baby actually needs. It’s definitely tough with all the information out there though. Oh, and about the emotions…last week I burst into tears when the Mr. told me he was getting a haircut. Pregnancy, man. 🙂

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:28 pm

      Thank you, Courtney! So many babies on the way right now, I love it!! The blend of excitement and anxiety – yes! It’s different everyday!

      I totally agree about the appreciation a miscarriage brings to a new pregnancy, no matter how awful it was at the time! xoxo

  13. #
    Heather || Heather's Dish — April 10, 2015 @ 12:44 pm

    OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!

    I am beyond excited for you guys! Being a mother is the best thing in the whole wide world, and I just can’t wait for you to experience it. I think it’s awesome that you aren’t finding out the gender…that’s not what we did, but I so admire people who have self control like that 🙂

    As for the products? I was just chatting with a friend about this the other day that 90% of things are totally unnecessary. There’s a lot of really cute stuff out there, but unless you need super cute things to blog about all the baby really needs is a car seat, a place to sleep and food. Done and done, right?

    YAY!!!

    • Cassie replied: — April 10th, 2015 @ 6:25 pm

      Thank you so much, friend! <3

  14. #
    Annamaria @ Bakewell Junction — April 11, 2015 @ 7:26 pm

    Cassie,
    Congratulations! Enjoy every minute of it. More and more people are letting the gender be a surprise. I don’t have kids but my sister waited until her daughters were born to find out the gender.
    Annamaria

    • Cassie replied: — April 19th, 2015 @ 5:42 pm

      Thank you so much!!

  15. #
    Christy@SweetandSavoring — April 17, 2015 @ 7:09 pm

    Congratulations! As someone seriously thinking about getting pregnant for the first time, I had no problem reading this whole post! 🙂 I feel like I’ve been preparing by just witnessing a lot of mothers and asking questions and you’re right, there is no normal for pregnancy! It’s probably hard to reconcile that, because you want to know that everything you’re feeling and experiencing is OK and not ‘weird’, but it’s pretty much all weird anyway, right?
    I don’t think I’ll want to find out the gender, either! And hurray for cloth diapering, I’m all for that!
    Your excitement was palpable as I read this. Eager to follow along on your journey, Cassie 🙂

    • Cassie replied: — April 19th, 2015 @ 5:41 pm

      Thank you Christy! Your comment made me smile. Thanks for reading and best of luck on your journey. Keep in touch!

  16. #
    bev @ bevcooks — April 20, 2015 @ 9:11 am

    I totally missed this!!!!!! CONGRATS, CASSIE!!! I’m beyond freaking excited for you guys! oxoxoxoxoxo.

    • Cassie replied: — April 20th, 2015 @ 5:58 pm

      Thank you, lovely! xoxo

  17. #
    Jenn @ Mother Thyme — April 20, 2015 @ 2:31 pm

    Awww, congratulations! 🙂 Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy! xo

    • Cassie replied: — April 20th, 2015 @ 5:58 pm

      Thank you so, so much, Jenn!!

  18. #
    Lauren at Keep It Sweet — April 20, 2015 @ 2:54 pm

    I’m just so happy for you, Cassie!!! You are going to be such an amazing mom.

    I can relate to a lot of your pregnancy feelings… And I definitely struggled with body image in the beginning. Once I embraced the beauty of maternity jeans (seriously they are the best), I felt so much better:) also, if you ever have questions on what you need or don’t need for baby feel free to email me.

    • Cassie replied: — April 20th, 2015 @ 5:58 pm

      Thank you so much, Lauren. It’s always helpful to know that you have friends in every corner!!

  19. #
    Kelly - Life Made Sweeter — April 23, 2015 @ 3:46 am

    Aaw yay! Congratulations Cassie! So happy and excited for you guys! I love that you are keeping the gender a surprise 🙂 All the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

    • Cassie replied: — April 23rd, 2015 @ 12:27 pm

      Thanks so much, Kelly!!

  20. #
    Office Cleaners London — April 30, 2015 @ 7:49 am

    Congratulations!! I wish you all the happiness in the world. :))

  21. #
    Liz @ The Lemon Bowl — May 9, 2015 @ 12:30 pm

    I love reading this and I’m so thrilled for you! We had a very long 2 1/2 year infertility battle so I know how amazing that heart beat and double line pregnancy test is to someone who once wasn’t sure they would ever become pregnant. I’m so so thrilled for you friend.

    • Cassie replied: — May 10th, 2015 @ 12:43 pm

      Thank you so much, friend! I am shocked at the number of people who experience infertility issues. I wish we talked about it more because it’s so helpful to have the support of others.

  22. #
    Anna Nienhuis — July 4, 2015 @ 11:29 pm

    Ah, just popped in to catch up over here and saw this, huge belated congratulations!! I love that you are just doing you on the blog, and enjoying life away from the computer, I can totally relate. Sorry you’re getting so much unsolicited advice about baby, but that make me smile 🙂 All the best through your pregnancy, you are absolutely glowing!

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